Your Life - By Design or by Default?
Have you ever wondered why certain things happen to you in your life? An expectation that was or wasn’t met? A surprise that hurt or helped? A hope or dream that came to be or simply vanished before your hopeful heart? Life does this to us. The proverbial “mystery of life” knocks on everyone’s door at some point, feeding us, testing us, propelling us, hurting us but always teaching us in so many ways.
I have found in my years of working with thousands of people around the globe that humans need predictability. Most of us want to know what is happening and what is going to happen – about our work, our family, our lives. There is a certain kind of security and “anxiety-shaving” in knowing what to expect.
What if we could create a higher level of predictability in our lives? Would that make us safer, better at what we do, less anxious, happier? What if we chose to live a life that is more “By Design” and less by “Default”? What I mean by “default” is not being intentional about how your life is evolving. What I mean by “Design” is having specific intentions about what you want and how you will achieve what you want.
I am reminded of the couple that got a divorce because they said, “We never have time for each other.” Or the parents who lament that their children grew too quickly and wish they had spent more time with them. What if that couple or those parents had decided that how they spend their time needs to be planned in a way that feeds, supports, and nourishes the marriage or the children? What if they “Designed” their lives with that intention? Instead, what often happens, is that we exist amid “endless time” syndrome. We think we will have time later to do that which we want or need to do now; like celebrate our marriage, play with the kids, or learn something specific to advance our work or increase our joy. All too often the proverbial clock runs out and we lash ourselves with “I should have.”
My wife and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary this year. We both agree that one of the bedrock reasons that we made it this far is because each fall we would have our “Wishes and Dreams” talk. We would schedule a day or a weekend focusing on our wishes and dreams. We would actually (separately) write our wishes and dreams on 3X5 cards or post-its and then share them. We then, on a 48x30 inch laminated calendar for the next year, write in what we would do during the new year to realize those wishes and dreams.
What went in first was spending time together and with family. This was vacation and discretionary time around which all other work and non-work things were then scheduled. Imagine having things that are important to you (wishes and dreams) to look forward to for an entire year! This gave us ever-present hope, excitement, and relief knowing that no matter what unexpected or terrible things happened, we had something to look forward to – together.
Please don’t hear me saying that every moment of every day must be planned or scheduled. This isn’t about that. It is about intention and making sure that what we feel in our hearts is truly important to us, and has a chance to live a real life. Wishes and dreams are the first step. Making sure they come with real intentions makes them come true.
With the new year upon you, how much of it will be lived by default or by your design? The choice is always ours to make.
